Recovered Entries: Old War (IM STILL ALIVE)
These are entries from both the first and second war. They were in a log Nicole kept as an online journal which can no longer be found. 6/26/12 I know I haven't posted in a while. But it's gone outta control now. It's terrifying. I've lost the ability to eat, smile, even talk. My friends have been worried about me. I've been getting texts from them, I want to tell them but I think they'll start getting it and they'll hate me forever, or they might think I've lost my mind. 7/10/12 Not much longer until I leave. I'm having to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. It's part of getting used to the time change and also to the part where I need to get up at 4 a.m. It's like practice for the big game, or studying for the final quiz. But the bad part is, I need to sleep. Sleeping is a bit of a challenge for me. The longer the 3 days are, the longer the nightmares are going to be and the worse they're going to get. 7/25/12 Sorry I haven't written here in a while. I've lost the ability to even use the computer now. Every day I think about letting him win, joining him, make his way possible. There's no more good, happy, lovable thoughts anymore. I didn't even sleep last night I was so scared. I have to either let him win and let him take me, or keep fighting. Let me know what I should do. Update: I couldn't even walk through the door without both swords in my hands. I never walk out it though. Not at night. I really should see someone about this, but I'm too scared he'll get even more mad. So I'm going the harder path, the insanity will grow. 5/13/14 Today was the same I guess. I felt a little emotionally numb today. I have no clue what got me to change so quickly today. I am in my sisters room, it doesn't feel so safe. 5/19/14 Last night I didn't sleep too well. I was up until 11 and sometime after. I just felt so awake and I couldn't seem to get comfortable. Today I talked with my friend Crystal over the email at school. I sent her this and gave her specific instructions. I'm doing all I can to protect her as well. I really don't have anything to say. My behavior and whatnot is changing. I hope she reads all of this so she knows why I'm acting weird. She's one of the few people who've stuck with me. Update at 10:08 PM- I've been tossing and turning for a full hour now. I can't sleep at all. I'm gonna find a way to fall asleep eventually....or so I hope. Seems like I was just sorta writing out my descent into forgetting, sadness and loss. 7/13/14 I just got home. I'm waiting for a friend to drop off some of my belongings from a while ago that she borrowed. I'm on chat and we're currently discussing something serious. The hackers have came to this wiki and they're going on about some weird ramblings on how they want revenge on me and how they need the "powers" in my body or whatever. I already have a plan. It'd be stupid of me to say since they're most likely viewing everything here, so, I won't say. I will write more if something happens tonight. 7/20/14 Ok, I need to tell you all something important. Tomorrow is a big day and I can't tell you why. If you ever decide to join this wiki, talk to another "corrupt guardian" (admin). I suggest MaskedManClaus, he is the one most prepared. 7/21/14 I never got to go to where I was supposed to. This huge storm stopped everything and I wasn't able to leave the house. Gonna set another date soon. Awaiting arrival in chat. something dash 20 of 2014... Things haven't been getting any better. I'm always sick and even more of hackers have been attacking. They're all coming to this wiki's chat room last night. If you don't believe me, sign up and come to chat a lot. You will see. I can't remember any dreams.....sorry for that. I'm trying to but I just can't. HELP MY FRIEND IS OUT OF CONTROL AND HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME. SOMEBODY HELP ME WAR ............................................................ Unknown...... I'm not even going to bother counting. I'm really sick and I've had some virus since Sunday afternoon. Not exactly getting better. I'm starting to turn pale and become cold. Unable to eat. Tired. War postponed. Friends went missing. Report to my talk page later just so I know who's still out there. For the damned I'll try to talk with him tonight. Results will be posted tomorrow Sick I woke up horribly sick. My throat is sore and swollen, my head is hurting horribly, I'm shaking a lot yet I have a fever, I can't eat much and I can't breathe properly. I guess he did it as a punishment for trying to communicate with him. Or, it's a mere coincidence. 2/16/15 I've been experiencing a lot of changes in my behavior. It's all from this lack of sleep and all this stress from school, friendship issues and solving this entire situation. I'VE BEEN FIGHTING ALL OF THIS FOR 5 YEARS! All I can do now is keep getting more and more violent each day. I've been losing patience and I just keep acting out with no regrets....and I still have no regrets. All mercy has left me. These dreams....getting worse and worse. I remember one that I can't shake. It's more weird than scary. I'm sorry I haven't been around. I'm sorry I'm losing my grip. I can't fail you guys. Category:Recoveries